Conrad Black: A Bleak Outlook

Black Suits Up And Checks In

Conrad Black’s wife is reported to have just dropped a quarter of a million on the latest Oscar de la Renta fashions. One witty columnist hoped that none of the garments were striped. But stripes are out these days in the new world Black enters this afternoon in Florida. It’s the colour khaki for Conrad – an inappropriate hue for serving time in the Orange State. (Personally I would have outfitted him in lemon yellow for a variety of reasons).

Conrad has always been known for his punctuality and is expected to show up at the Florida prison shortly after a last outdoor lunch. He will surrender any personal belongings, be strip-searched (a rather ugly image), and outfitted with the emperor’s new clothes sporting the number 18330-424. (Barabra Amiel Black, has already consulted a numerologist).

Barbara has acquired a dog to play with – which will keep her company during Black’s incarceration. But she will do the visiting thing – their home is about a four-hour drive from the prison.

In his new life, Black will have landscape duties (which may help him lose some of his corpulence), the first job that inmates get, and will be paid between 12 and 40 cents an hour. (At the peak of his career, it is estimated Black made anywhere between $12,000 and $40,000 an hour).

Black will have a rather small cell with a roommate, randomly selected.

"It’s going to be a test of his strength of character," said Black’s former friend and early biographer, Peter C. Newman. "That’s probably a good thing because it’s never been tested before — he’s always had his way."

Lawyer James Morton said that Black wasn’t able to stay out of jail on bail – because the appeal court decided that Black wouldn’t be likely to succeed in his appeal on the obstruction charge. The trial judge’s comments on the remaining fraud counts, the lawyer said, show that the government case is a "grotesque charade."  (heh heh). Black will have to serve 85 per cent of his sentence before being eligible for parole of any type.

At the Daily Telegraph  in London, there will be a moment of silence at 2 p.m. Florida time, when staff members will toast the erstwhile media Lord, who screwed so many of their colleages when he owned that newspaper. Following that brief moment of reflection, cheers will be heard along Fleet Street and there may be some cheap champagne.

As journalists say… -30-

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Update

-30- usually refers to the end of a news item or article…but never to the end of a story, so here’s an update: There is absolutely no truth to the rumour that prior to entering the Florida correctional facility this afternoon, Conrad advised Stephen to sue the Liberals.