reed writes

Over the years a Roman Catholic Nun, who was also a teacher tested her students on the content of The Old and New Testaments.

She collected a selection of the questions and answers…and here they are -

Nun Grading Papers

keeping a straight face

Imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!

PAY  SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE  EVEN A LITTLE, YOU’LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM  A  CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.

KIDS  WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING  STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT  BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT  IN.

___________________________________________________

1.  IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING  THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2.  ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN  OF ARK.. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3.  LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE  DURING THE NIGHT.

4.  THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE  WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5.  SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL  LIKE DELILAH.

6.  SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7.  MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD  WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8,  THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES  WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN  COMMANDMENTS

9.  THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE  APPLE.

10.  THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11.  MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS  IN THE BATTLE OF  GERITOL.

12.  THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO  STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13.  DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE  FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL  TIMES.

14.  SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15.  WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA  CARTA.

16.  WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS  IN THE MANAGER.

17.  JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18.   ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19.  JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS  BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY  SWEAT ALONE.

20.  IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET  THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21.  THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12  DECIBELS.

22.  THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23.  ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A  TAXIMAN.

24.   ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH  IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25.  CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED  MONOTONY.

The above may well be apocryphal…but if it’s true, it’s pretty wild.

He was just a little boy. But he possessed a special quality that allowed him to become larger than life itself.

He was an ordinary child who, from the moment he became aware, faced a life-threatening health situation.

He had an astonishing intellect.

He believed that he was the channel for a greater message to the world.

Poetry came easily to him. Ideas germinated in his mind like fertile seeds in a warm moist springtime.

He was dedicated to sharing an important message.

It was a message of peace, love, understanding, tolerance, acceptance and so much more. It was a multi-faceted message from a boy who lived every day to the fullest, knowing that each of those days carried a number.

We all know about Mohammed, the great Jewish Patriarchs, Jesus, Baha’ullah, Buddha, etc. But despite the magnificent propaganda machines of the 20th and 21at centuries, we don’t know enough about Mattie.

I’m just going to summarize one of Mattie’s last letters. It was written to his Mom, Jeni and it concerned international trade. (I think it’s particularly applicable in the wake of the disastrous and meaningless meeting of the “Creme de la Creme” in Toronto.)

“Trading Ideas”.

Every year we must recognize the tragedies that occurred on September 11th., 2001.

I am proposing a a “true world trade day” to take place every September 11th.

This new “World Trade Day” can foster better relations between all people of all religions and nationalities.

For example one person might choose to trade a book or an idea with someone in a distant land. How great would that be??

By celebrating “World Trade Day” with a respectful and future-oriented attitude, we’d do at least 2 things:

1. we’d pay honour to those who died on sept. 11th;

2. we’d plant the seeds of peace for all those who live through the future observances of 9/11, every year.

Love to all,

Mattie.

(Now how great is that?)

I urge you all to read Mattie’s book, “Just Peace”.

Sometimes We Need To Reflect On Just Who We Are

We are quick to demonize Islam, calling it a male-centred, oppressive and aggressive religious belief. But in doing so, we forget not only our own history and past practices, we forget our own present-day sins.

The Christian Crusades constituted perhaps the bloodiest and most aggressive campaign against innocent people ever conducted by a religious civilization based – supposedly – on the teachings of Jesus. (more…)

Ehud Barak

According to Ehud Barak – Apartheid is standing in Israel’s doorway, and if it hasn’t already, it is about to take a seat at the table.

Ehud Barak, is Israel’s Defence Minister.

Is he too an anti Semite…?

Stephen Harper might Think so. You can read his remarks here.

Yesterday I wrote about Dr. Carlo Sprenger’s theory (pt. 1)on how to bring about peace between the Israelis and the Palestinians.

Dr. Carlo Strenger

The good professor advocates what he calls “therapeutic diplomacy”, which would presumably put the two “patients” on a “couch”; they’d confess all of their past mistakes. Then they’d come to their senses, reach a consensus individually on what transgressions they may have committed in the past and then hug one another and get on with their lives.

Easier said than done. (more…)