reed writes

Over the years a Roman Catholic Nun, who was also a teacher tested her students on the content of The Old and New Testaments.

She collected a selection of the questions and answers…and here they are -

Nun Grading Papers

keeping a straight face

Imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!

PAY  SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE  EVEN A LITTLE, YOU’LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM  A  CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.

KIDS  WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING  STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT  BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT  IN.

___________________________________________________

1.  IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING  THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2.  ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN  OF ARK.. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3.  LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE  DURING THE NIGHT.

4.  THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE  WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5.  SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL  LIKE DELILAH.

6.  SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7.  MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD  WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8,  THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES  WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN  COMMANDMENTS

9.  THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE  APPLE.

10.  THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11.  MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS  IN THE BATTLE OF  GERITOL.

12.  THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO  STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13.  DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE  FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL  TIMES.

14.  SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15.  WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA  CARTA.

16.  WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS  IN THE MANAGER.

17.  JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18.   ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19.  JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS  BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY  SWEAT ALONE.

20.  IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET  THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21.  THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12  DECIBELS.

22.  THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23.  ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A  TAXIMAN.

24.   ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH  IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25.  CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED  MONOTONY.

The above may well be apocryphal…but if it’s true, it’s pretty wild.

Subtitle: “Pinning the Tail on the Other Donkey”

What follows, is the full text of Jack Layton’s “reply” to the open letter I sent him and other political leaders in defence of Libby Davies’ criticism of Israel. (You’ll notice he doesn’t bother to address me personally…not that it matters).

Jack Layton, Leader NDP Canada

Thank you for your message, I appreciate you taking the time to send us
your comments.

First, let me be clear that the position of the NDP with regard to the ongoing conflict in the Middle East has not changed, a position that was democratically adopted at a Convention of our delegates from across Canada.  Our party has always been principled and constructive in how it addresses this complex issue; we recognize the right of both Israelis and Palestinians to live in peaceful co-existence in viable, independent states with negotiated, agreed-upon borders. We are committed to working with like-minded allies in the region to make concrete and lasting progress toward peace. (more…)

He was just a little boy. But he possessed a special quality that allowed him to become larger than life itself.

He was an ordinary child who, from the moment he became aware, faced a life-threatening health situation.

He had an astonishing intellect.

He believed that he was the channel for a greater message to the world.

Poetry came easily to him. Ideas germinated in his mind like fertile seeds in a warm moist springtime.

He was dedicated to sharing an important message.

It was a message of peace, love, understanding, tolerance, acceptance and so much more. It was a multi-faceted message from a boy who lived every day to the fullest, knowing that each of those days carried a number.

We all know about Mohammed, the great Jewish Patriarchs, Jesus, Baha’ullah, Buddha, etc. But despite the magnificent propaganda machines of the 20th and 21at centuries, we don’t know enough about Mattie.

I’m just going to summarize one of Mattie’s last letters. It was written to his Mom, Jeni and it concerned international trade. (I think it’s particularly applicable in the wake of the disastrous and meaningless meeting of the “Creme de la Creme” in Toronto.)

“Trading Ideas”.

Every year we must recognize the tragedies that occurred on September 11th., 2001.

I am proposing a a “true world trade day” to take place every September 11th.

This new “World Trade Day” can foster better relations between all people of all religions and nationalities.

For example one person might choose to trade a book or an idea with someone in a distant land. How great would that be??

By celebrating “World Trade Day” with a respectful and future-oriented attitude, we’d do at least 2 things:

1. we’d pay honour to those who died on sept. 11th;

2. we’d plant the seeds of peace for all those who live through the future observances of 9/11, every year.

Love to all,

Mattie.

(Now how great is that?)

I urge you all to read Mattie’s book, “Just Peace”.

Every so often a blog comes across my screen that jumps right out at me. It happened today, when an alert I had set up to monitor stories on the disastrous Conservative policy respecting prison farms produced an item from a blogsite called Ramblings and Rumblings.

I’m not going to clog up the sphere with my words when you can read a fascinating, insightful and touching column, by clicking right here.

Liberals have been having troubles ever since the so-called sponsorship scandal. It was indeed a scandal, but not the fault of the Party itself.

In fact Paul Martin convened an open public inquiry at the earliest opportunity. There was transparency, accountability and perpetrators were punished. However the party was tarnished and the stink of scandal clung.

But – let’s not ever forget the most important stat of all – the opposition still has 63% plus of the popular vote according to all the polls.

Plenty to form a coalition.

Now here’s what the Liberals ought to do in order to improve their own prospects and also the outlook for our country.

A message from the leader of The Liberal Party of Canada

Voice Over:  Here now is the Leader of the Liberal Party of Canada.

Michael

“My fellow Canadians.  I recognize that I have failed as Leader of the Official Opposition.

I blame no one for my lack of popularity, except myself.

Believe me…I love my country dearly. For many years my Father represented this nation as an international diplomat.

I learned a great deal from him…but not enough to provide effective leadership for this great country.

It’s clear to me that I cannot continue for much longer in my present role at the helm of the greatest political party in Canadian history.

Therefore I have made the following decision:

I am announcing today that I will continue as leader until the next election, which I believe is coming very soon.  Perhaps sooner than any of us know at this moment.

You have elected many highly capable and dedicated women and men to this Liberal caucus.

In your great wisdom you have denied any party a majority. Nevertheless, damage has been done. I recognize that and I recognize that to some extent, I am responsible.

On the day following the coming election, regardless of the outcome, I will – in consultation with the Party and the country – set a reasonable date for a leadership convention.

Together with our Caucus and general membership I will continue to lead, until an open and democratic Convention chooses a new leader. In this way, I intend to maintain continuity.

By making this announcement now – I am giving ample time for leadership candidates to prepare.

This has been a painful decision for me. It is however, my decision and mine alone.

I believe it is a decision that is in the best interests of my chosen political party – the party of Laurier, Pearson, Trudeau, Chretien, Martin and so many other great leaders.

The Liberal Party was hurt by the sponsorship scandals, by internal division and more recently by my own lack of appeal to Canadian voters.

My great hope is that my decision will put the Liberal Party back on track and help put Canada back on track.

Thanks to all who have supported me; I will continue to work for those millions of Canadians who believe in and want a nation that will serve them and preserve their ideals.

I will work with and support the next Liberal leader.

In the meantime I will work with this Parliament to serve the best interests of us all.

Thankyou.