Over the years a Roman Catholic Nun, who was also a teacher tested her students on the content of The Old and New Testaments.

She collected a selection of the questions and answers…and here they are -

Nun Grading Papers

keeping a straight face

Imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!

PAY  SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE  EVEN A LITTLE, YOU’LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM  A  CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.

KIDS  WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING  STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT  BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT  IN.

___________________________________________________

1.  IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING  THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2.  ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN  OF ARK.. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3.  LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE  DURING THE NIGHT.

4.  THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE  WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5.  SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL  LIKE DELILAH.

6.  SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7.  MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD  WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8,  THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES  WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN  COMMANDMENTS

9.  THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE  APPLE.

10.  THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11.  MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS  IN THE BATTLE OF  GERITOL.

12.  THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO  STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13.  DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE  FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL  TIMES.

14.  SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15.  WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA  CARTA.

16.  WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS  IN THE MANAGER.

17.  JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18.   ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19.  JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS  BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY  SWEAT ALONE.

20.  IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET  THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21.  THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12  DECIBELS.

22.  THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23.  ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A  TAXIMAN.

24.   ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH  IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25.  CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED  MONOTONY.

The above may well be apocryphal…but if it’s true, it’s pretty wild.

Dear Michael,

Michael Ignatieff

Being a politician has to be one of the toughest jobs in the world. (Although I suspect that being a senior executive with BP would run a close second)

First of all it’s a bit like living in a glass house. All those people out there can see every little thing you do. But when you squint and try to have a gander at them, the glare from the glass hides everything except the nasty sounds they make. That would include all the opinion writers (me as well), journalists and critics, most of whom know nothing anyway – a fact that becomes all the more apparent with practically every word we/they write or speak.

Then of course there’s the problem of trying to please all those special interests, the powerful lobbies, the rapidly growing senior citizen sector and the great mass of young people whose attention span gets shorter by the nano-second.

On top of all that, there are the mistakes you’ve made in the past and the challenge of how to deal with them. Mind you, we’ve all made mistakes, but when a politician makes one – even a small one – it goes in the file and sits there forever, or until one of those nasty reporters pulls it out to add a little spice to the Saturday feature article on Michael I.

Now obviously your chief rival is Stephen Harper and in politics as in war, rule number one is “know thine enemy”. In  Mr. Harper’s case, the picture is pretty clear. He’s a ruthless person, who will say and indeed do whatever it takes to win. On the surface, people have a grudging respect for that quality…but deep down, it makes them uneasy. My advice is to ignore Mr. Harper completely. Don’t even acknowledge that the man exists. He is after all, an opportunist and the public know that.

So my top ten list of rules would be -

#10. Ignore Stephen Harper.

#9.   Be yourself. You can be witty if you like, but don’t try to be a smart-ass. It won’t work.

#8.   Acknowledge past mistakes…the big one being your willingness to support Bush in Iraq.

#7.   Ask questions. Ask the people you meet about their thoughts, their opinions, their desires.

#6.   Don’t hang out in the bar having a beer with people. Way too obvious.

#5.   Make sure you have a policy that is strongly supportive of senior citizens.

#4.   Be even-handed on the Middle East. Bring Jews, Muslims and Christians together. (See if you can meet Dr. Izzeldin Abuelaish – he’s a Palestinian Doctor. You’ll like him).

#3.   Be pro-peace…and stay away from Bob Rae.

#2.   Be stronger on healthcare, public safety, international cooperation, responsible development, the environment and all those good things.

#1.   Make education, childcare, opportunity for youth your top priority. They are the future.

What you are doing on this current journey is good.

By: Jim

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Palestinian Lawyer

This seems to be the case with a young woman from the Gaza Strip.

Fatma Sharif is a 29-year-old Palestinian lawyer. She applied to attend Bir Zeit University in the Occupied West Bank. Her goal is to obtain a masters degree.

The government of Israel banned her from leaving Gaza, on the grounds that she might be intending to set up a new terrorist cell in the Occupied Territory.

Israeli journalist Amira Hass reports frequently on Palestinian affairs for Israel’s largest daily newspaper Ha’Aretz.

She tells the strange tale of this young Palestinian lawyer and her encounter with the Hall of Mirrors that is the Government of Israel.  Click here for the full story.

By: Jim

2 Comments | Category: Uncategorized

Liberal Foreign Affairs Critic

Robert Keith “Bob” Rae is a politician.

He recently attended the City of Toronto’s Gay Pride Celebration.

Prior to that, he issued a statement supporting gender equality and Gay Rights. But the key part of his statement referred to a particular group that marched in the Parade. Here’s the quote that jumped out at me:

“I deeply regret the decision of some to use the events this week to attack the state of Israel, and in particular to accuse Israel of being “an apartheid regime”.  Israel’s record on human rights, respect for the rule of law, and in particular its support of gay and lesbian rights stands as a notable exception to the practice elsewhere in the Middle East, where many countries still consider homosexuality to be a crime, in some cases punishable by death, where democratic elections are still non-existent, and respect for independent courts and the rule of law unknown.”

Few in Canada know better how to recognize oppression, prejudice and segregation than the Canadian Gay and Lesbian community. When it comes to human rights violations, the gay community knows what that means. So it seems odd that Mr. Rae would decide to lecture them on the subject.

Moreover, it is not helpful to make comparisons between the State of Israel and its neighbours with respect to the question of gender equality and gay rights. Unlike its neighbours, Israel is a western-style, settler state, with deep societal roots in Europe and North America. Millions of Israelis have their cultural and family origins in the West. So it’s quite normal to expect their government to adhere to certain western standards. It’s no surprise that Israel supports and approves of Homosexual Rights. In fact it would be surprising if Israel did not support those rights.

It’s my view, as well as the view of many other Canadians and not a few distinguished Israeli scholars such as Ilan Pappe, Avi Shlaim and other internationally respected public figures, that Israel is indeed a State that occupies, oppresses and segregates those whom it regards as threatening or inferior, specifically, the Palestinian Arabs.

In fact Avrum Burg, who was the Speaker of the 15th Knesset, Chairman of the Jewish Agency and also head of the World Zionist Council, has called for an end to Israeli occupation and settlement expansion; he advocates a complete withdrawal from all occupied territory.

Speaker Burg has written that, “The Israeli nation today rests on…foundations of oppression and injustice”. Would you characterize Avrum Burg as an anti-Semite?

Perhaps, Mr. Rae, it’s not “Apartheid” in the strict definition of that term.

Perhaps it’s something else. We know that among many right-wing Israeli politicians, there is open talk of schemes to “transfer” Palestinians from their own land to Jordan and/or other neighbouring Arab countries.

Would you approve of that? Of course you wouldn’t, because it would be morally repugnant. Even Daniel Pipes, an ardent supporter of Israel agrees such an act would be inflammatory.

According to news reports, all across Israel you can see alarming graffiti that reads, ‘Arabs out’—like Juden raus. Not very pleasant is it? Those who care – say that although such graffiti is written by hoodlums and extremists – the municipalities on whose walls it is written, often do not bother to erase it. By not speaking out against such outrages, we give them tacit approval.

(In the 1930’s we also failed to speak out.)

Of course you would not approve such an action because you know very well it is even worse than morally repugnant.

Your failure, like that of so many others, to grasp the nettle of exposing the illegal and reprehensible aspects of Israeli behaviour will make achieving a peace deal increasingly difficult. It will reinforce present Israeli  policy, which certainly flirts with and borders on Apartheid, as even Defence Minister Ehud Barak has suggested.

Until you begin to speak out in support of fundamental truth and justice, Mr. Rae, your words of support for gender equality, are merely the usual hollow political posturing and begging for support…just a bunch of empty words.

And with respect to the Middle East, about all we do know of your policy position is that apparently Israel can do no wrong. Many thousands of Israelis would disagree with you. They would say that you’re mistaken to criticise a group for attacking Israeli policies that impose collective punishment on a whole people and systematically expropriate (steal) their lands.

Just take a look at the maps.

Even Anthony Cordesman, a staunch supporter of Israel and one of America’s foremost security experts, calls Israel a “strategic liability”, given the behaviour of its government.

I know you read the New York Times Mr Rae…I’ve watched you leafing though it.

It must have galled you to read Nicholas Kristoff’s recent columns…http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/01/opinion/01kristof.html?_r=1

When you become more tuned in to what is right and wrong in this world and when you develop a more advanced standard of personal morals and ethics, then you will deserve to be listened to and heeded as a Member of the Canadian Parliament.

At the moment, you are speaking with a forked tongue.

That doesn’t mean you are right…only that you are a decent person.

Dear Mr. Layton -

Thank you for your message, I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my letter.

Thus far, you are the only one of the various parties to which I wrote that has seen fit to respond at all and for that I am grateful.

However I am disappointed that you did not address my central point and one which is also made by a variety of Israeli historians, including Avi Shlaim, Ilan Pappe, Benny Morris and others. That point is that the Occupation exercise began in 1948, when tens of thousands of peaceful, unarmed Palestinian Arabs were forced from their homes at gunpoint and driven out. The homes and lands of many of those innocent civilians were then confiscated and turned over to the new Zionist government, through one or more of the agencies which it controlled.

As I said in my letter to you and the others, by stepping so hard on Libby Davies, you have opened a can of worms that is not going to go away.

The proof that the Occupation process began in 1948 can be found in the writings of Yitzakh Rabin – albeit not in his published work because that was censored by Israel’s cabinet of the day.

But for the sake of public knowledge, the portion that was censored was given to New York Times Correspondent, David Shipler, who wrote a piece that appeared in the Times in October 1979.

Here is the quote out of General Rabin’s own mouth:-

  • “We walked outside, Ben-Gurion accompanying us. Allon repeated his question, What is to be done with the Palestinian population?’ Ben-Gurion waved his hand in a gesture which said ‘Drive them out!”

– Yitzhak Rabin, leaked censored version of Rabin memoirs, published in the New York Times, 23 October 1979.

David Ben Gurion, Israel’s first Prime Minister said,

  • “We must expel the Arabs and take their places.”

Ben Gurion and the Palestine Arabs, Oxford University Press, 1985.

Ben Gurion also said:-

  • “We must use terror, assassination, intimidation, land confiscation, and the cutting of all social services to rid the Galilee of its Arab population.”

– David Ben-Gurion, May 1948, to the General Staff. From Ben-Gurion, A Biography, by Michael Ben-Zohar, Delacorte, New York 1978.

There many other individuals and books one could cite, but I’ll include just one more, from a great man whom I knew briefly during his lifetime, Dr. Nahum Goldmann. In his book “Le Paradoxe Juif”, Dr. Goldman – who was head of the World Zionist Council – wrote that -

  • “There has been Anti-Semitism, the Nazis, Hitler, Auschwitz, but was that their fault? They see but one thing: we have come and we have stolen their country. Why would they accept that?”

Quoted by Nahum Goldmann in Le Paraddoxe Juif (The Jewish Paradox), pp. 121-122.

You say, Mr. Layton, that you are regularly in touch with the Israeli ambassador and Palestinian
representatives here in Canada and that last year, you met with president of ” the Palestinian Authorities Mahmud Abbas” and had an excellent meeting where I had the opportunity to outline the NDP’s policies on this issue.

You neatly side-step the core of the issue by stating that you “called on the government to reinstate and increase Canada’s contribution to UNRWA – in order to see improvements to the
lives of ordinary Palestinians.” You must know that UNRWA is a United Nations charity organization whose work only increases Palestinian dependency on charitable handouts.

You refuse to acknowledge that the people of Gaza elected – democratically – the Hamas party as their government. It’s not useful to get into the terrorist “name-game”, because it can be argued and has been argued by many people including Sir Gerald Kaufman, a British member of parliament, that there’s plenty of “terrorist” charges to go around on both sides. The commission of war crimes apparently does not prompt Canada or Canadian politicians to advocate placing the perpetrators of war crimes on a “war crimes list”.

Perhaps most importantly, you do not address the issue of democracy in terms of the United Nations partition resolution. That resolution certainly tested the principle of self-determination and most certainly it failed the test, because the indigenous inhabitants who made up the majority of the population, were never consulted. If that is your idea of a democratic process, then I find you no better than Harper on this issue.

I agreed with you that Canadians are divided on this issue. But they are divided out of ignorance and/or ideology. The failure to recognize that fairly obvious truth, is precisely where you – Mr. Layton – and the others – have let Canadians down.

And finally, rather than address the central issue at hand in any constructive way, you fall back on that old political tactic of pin the blame tail on the other donkey. You distance yourself from Libby Davies by saying that after you admonished her, “she quickly clarified her comments and I accepted her clarification.”

You conclude your response to me by condemning Stephen Harper and you say that in the next election you will defeat him. Sadly, Mr. Layton, you are whistling in the dark. Canadians may be divided on a number of issues out of ignorance and the double-talk of self-interested politicians.

But they are fully united on one major matter: they do not trust any of the leaders now heading up their political parties enough, to give any one of them a majority.

Sincerely,

Jim.

By: Jim

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